Friday, February 24, 2006

The Impatient Commuter's Guide to DLR Optimisation (part one of an occasional series)

My esteemed colleague Ben Thompson remarked in the comments to this posting that my blog lacks a visual aspect.

I think he makes a fair point.

Therefore, this article is brought to you through the magic of PowerPoint.

I am sure many of my readers often ask themselves: "Where should I stand on platform 9 of Bank station to ensure I will leave the train as close as possible to the exit at Westferry station"? Those readers should fret no longer for the answer is this:

Assuming you are entering platform 9 from the Bank side (rather than the end nearest Monument station), you should walk along the platform as far as the overhead matrix display. At this point you will have gone too far. Turn around. You will see a shiny line on the ground running from near the information desk to the platform edge. This is the Marker of Magnificence. Stand on it and use the door that appears immediately in front of you when the train arrives.

Walk to the opposite set of doors and occupy the corner space (so that you don't block passengers getting on and off at Limehouse).


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Upon arrival at Westferry, use the door opener to your side, exit the train and scurry straight on to beat the other passengers who are heading to the exit that you have just arrived at. You should arrive there before everyone else. Ha! You win again.

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Being the first passenger off the train, you have no slow-coaches ahead of you and so can descend the staircase at a pace that suits you. Truly you are a premier passenger.

Ben: Happy now?


Jon Deane said...

You are quite, quite mad. (And surely anyone who makes this journey regularly has this strategy in mind already?)

And please don't take a career change into design. Ever.

Richard Brown said...

And please don't take a career change into design. Ever.

It was my choice of colours, wasn't it? I should have used more of them... brighter ones.... colours with sparkle. Then I could be a designer, right?

Jon Deane said...


Ben The Lion said...

Marvellous stuff ... Giving big love to the colourful pics ... Carry on at this rate and we'll make u a Certified IT Architect by the end of the year (prepares for flaming) ... come to think of it, maybe just Certifiable.

GEB said...

Richard, Please don't turn into Dundridge ( of 'Blott on the landscape' fame) Being a scientist you may not have read any of Tom Sharpe's books. I advise you to read 'Blott' immediately. Once you do you will never again devise corner manoevering and train queuing methods. Your ample intelligence will be channelled towards more useful problem solving outlets such as world peace, global warming ....

Wilko said...

Along with your formalisations for "Walking around corners" on a previous post, I think these are the beginnings of catalogue of "Design Patterns for Everyday Travel".

I would happily contribute my documentation on "Dual Carriageway Overtaking", and "Corridor Eye Contact".

Richard Brown said...

"Design Patterns for Everyday Travel"... there's definitely a book in that.

Perhaps not a Christmas bestseller... but still.

Wilko: when can we expect to see your contributions to the literature on your site?

LeeChee said...

I also offer "Public Convenience Urinal Selection" for the book. In fact I suggest you create a new Blogger ID and Blog for this - it could really take off!

Richard Brown said...

"Public Convenience Urinal Selection"

I like it..... You've hit on a "crossover" potential hit. You're in the realms of optimisation, cost-benefit analysis AND etiquette!

Ben said...

"Public Convenience Urinal Selection"

The Times has the scoop on The Man's Book, which covers exactly this, plus also how to buy a suit and why it's better to choose an old than a young mistress.